My Dragon

 
bpanthress_dracokoncombo

Render by BlackPanthress.

Kon, my dragon, is an avatar whose history and meaning is a deeply rooted facet of who I am. Whereas many people in the furry fandom have meticulously created extravagant characters and personas on a whim, Kon is different in that I have put forth absolutely zero conscious effort into the dragon’s creation.

There’s really nothing outwardly special about Kon’s appearance or “design” to be honest. She is a simple lavender/mauve dragon, but the ringer here is she was cultivated entirely in my dreams. I describe her as a “she” but Kon is actually a creature of both genders. Her outward body type, however, is more feminine than it is masculine so that’s the pronoun I feel best suits her. Yes, I realize how crazy that sounds, but I have grown to accept it as part of the process of self-discovery. Kon’s outward appearance, personality, and sexual preference are all traits that originally began with blanks and were slowly filled in as information became available. In older stories and artwork you’ll see Kon (sometimes erroneously “Dracokon”) referred to as “he”; these are works from a period where I assumed the dragon was male, though as I continued to dream about Kon and experience her more fully I realized there was more to her than what I had assumed was concrete fact.

Kon is a difficult character to succinctly describe largely because of the nature of how I came about finding her. For that reason I’d like to take a minute to talk more about what I mean by her being “cultivated entirely in my dreams”. The first time I saw Kon was in a dream I had some time around 2003. In it I was myself as I am in the waking world and was attempting to navigate a path around the side of a mountain. It began to rain and I knew that finding shelter from the storm was paramount so I persisted along the path hoping to come upon an alcove or nook in which to say dry and wait things out. While traversing the mountain I could barely make out a large figure ahead of me sitting on a rock formation jutting out from the face of the landform. With the help of a flash of lightning I noticed it was a dragon facing away from me, the one I’d end up getting to know as “Kon”. I became extremely quiet, hoping that perhaps the sounds of the storm would mask my own. There was another flash of light and even though it was only for a split second I could tell that the dragon had turned around and was staring at me. I woke up.

A strange dream, sure, but something that on the whole seems rather inconsequential. I didn’t see the dragon again for a long while — several months or so — until I began having recurring dreams where I became aware of the fact that I was no longer participating in them as my human self. I had become what I realized was the dragon I’d seen before. These secondary dreams were much more fragmented and unclear. A good way to describe them would be “slice of life”. Some of them were mundane things like flying or walking around various places. Other ones were more peculiar and occasionally featured other dragons as well as disjointed conversations with them. Some of the conversations were unmentionable while other seemed to carry a much more emotional and urgent sense to them. The “dialog” of these conversations were not in English or any sort of language for that matter as they were “silent”, like an old film without its audio track. The emotions and feelings elicited by these conversations were very much still there, but the actual words themselves were unknown. And yes, as you might be wondering, there were even a few dreams that were sexual in nature. It was through these experiences that I began to develop an ongoing mental picture of what Kon looked like, what gender she was, and how she acted.

I’ll admit, I became infatuated with the dragon. It seemed very peculiar to me that in the midst of unrelated other dreams there appeared to be this little network of visions completely and entirely unrelated to everything else I’d ever dreamt about and virtually self-contained in this little “dragon world” without people or cities or technology but still with its own “rules” and consistent order. Understandably, for a period of time I participated in the otherkin community. I do not self-identify as otherkin however, because it conflicts with my personal beliefs; believing in dragon spirits and reincarnation is at best incompatible with my viewpoints and relationship with the sciences. As such, I have a much more psychological approach to Kon and her place in my life. Subconsciously, this dragon is perhaps how my own mind sees itself, or this is the form it finds most pleasing. That said, this doesn’t necessarily explain the content of these dreams. Where that comes from is still a mystery. In any case, I have opted not to alter Kon at all; I present and celebrate her no matter how she evolves over time.

On the subject of alterations it is important to note that there are exactly two exceptions to this claim. The first is in regards to the blue stripes seen on Kon. Those aren’t there in my dreams. I chose to add the stripes as a means of simple differentiation in works of art since there are a lot of purple dragons out there. Secondly, her name is not actually “Kon”. Technically as of this writing she is nameless. I chose “Kon” because that’s my name and because to an extent she is me. The name seemed appropriate as a placeholder. If I ever find out what my dragon’s name is/was I’ll be sure to adjust things here accordingly. (Also, speaking of names, “Kon” as a dragon is pronounced “con” whereas “Kon” as my surname is supposed to be “cone” even though I’ve long since adopted the Americanized “con” version of it.)

Finally, it’s also worth acknowledging that my reputation as a niche kinkster sometimes precedes me and this has blurred the identity of my dragon quite a bit. Somewhere along the line after posting the story “Secret Oasis” I became more commonly recognized by my dragon in her amorphous “goo” form as opposed to the standard flesh and bone variety. Both are technically correct I guess, though I just felt it was an important distinction to point out that one of these two dragons is the one I identify with on a spiritual level and the other is just one that I enjoy fooling around with in lewd situations. I have never once dreamt about the goo dragon (unfortunately). When it comes to how you perceive me whatever’s easiest for you and whatever turns you on is cool with me, though. I respect the fact that for a good many people my goo dragon holds significant appeal and in some weird roundabout way it’s also still a part of who I am.

(As a sidenote I just want to say writing this page for the website literally took an entire afternoon of writing and rewriting in order to not just collate every aspect of my dragon but to also present these facets in a manner that did not make me look insane.)