I’ve left the furry fandom. I formerly had a very contrived “farewell letter” here but I’ve replaced it with this brief statement because I don’t want to give the impression that I’m kicking up dirt. I want to be left in peace.
The short of it is I regret every single thing I ever did in this community. All of it. From day one bad actors had their hooks in me because I wrote a few racy fantasy stories about humans and dinosaurs and I was led down a very dark path because I was 19 and didn’t know any better. Virtually everyone pulling my strings had something to hide and their sick perversions were things that I simply tolerated because I thought this was just “how things were”. I didn’t have the backbone to stand up for myself and say “no”. I was, and still am to this very day, terrified of these people.
My choice to leave started in 2011 when a close friend realized I was in a bad situation and asked if I needed help. I’d fallen victim to the community’s feedback loop of praising any and everyone who provides them with spank material; it had blinded me to the fact that I was being taken advantage of and used. I had unknowingly sold my dignity and it disgusted me. Gradually, I began replacing my furry involvement with healthier hobbies that didn’t revolve around sex. I am a better person today because of this.
I wish I never wrote my first few stories. I wish I never involved myself with fucking Herpy.* I wish I never accepted encouragement from those who saw no issues with either of those things. I received disgusting propositions for “favors”. I was assaulted. I was groomed. I never spoke a word about this because I was too scared of what might happen in retaliation (and I’m still refusing to name names because of it). The emotional and psychological damage done to me has taken almost a decade to unravel. I mean it when I say this: my life was ruined.
Yes, there are awful people in this fandom; I’ve met them. But no, I am not one of them. I was a patsy and a useful idiot. I have moved on, reclaimed my life, and I maintain no associations with any of the people who hurt me. I am deeply sorry for my actions and the things I said and did when I was new to the fandom. I don’t stand by any of it and the regret I feel is indescribable. I mean this with as much weight as I can give to words on a screen. I’m sorry.
Please allow me to have the life that I very nearly lost.
Thank you, and God bless.
(*This is a massive understatement but I’ve long understood it was a huge mistake to accept the admin role. Taking five years to divest myself of it doesn’t shine a positive light in my direction. I remained out of fear and obligation; I had no exit strategy until the site finally died. The game of “telephone” that has been played with Herpy’s reputation has spun a terrifying narrative, 99% of which isn’t true. But I digress, I simply don’t care anymore. I see no value in trying to defend the site because it is indefensible to me. I tried to run a clean shop but its mere existence was abhorrent and NOTHING good came from anyone’s involvement. What people think of Herpy doesn’t matter because chances are I probably agree with you now; it was a bad website with shady and immoral connections, many of which I didn’t learn of until after the site was dead, and I wish I never registered there because it would’ve prevented almost everything that haunts me today from happening.)