I’ve left the furry fandom. I formerly had a very contrived “farewell letter” here but I’ve replaced it with this brief statement because I don’t want to give the impression that I’m kicking up dirt. I want to be left in peace.
I regret every single thing I ever did in this community. All of it. From day one bad actors had their hooks in me because I wrote a few racy fantasy stories about humans and dinosaurs and I was led down a very dark path because I was 19 and didn’t know any better. Virtually everyone pulling my strings had something to hide and their sick perversions were things that I simply tolerated because I thought this was just “how things were”. I didn’t have the backbone to stand up for myself and say “no”. I was, and still am to this very day, terrified of these people. Cutting them out of my life and unlearning their manipulative tactics has taken years of persistent work.
My choice to leave started in 2011 when a close friend realized I was in a bad situation and asked if I needed help. I’d fallen victim to the community’s feedback loop of praising any and everyone who provides them with spank material; it had blinded me to the fact that I was being taken advantage of. I had unknowingly sold my dignity and it disgusted me. Gradually, I began replacing my furry involvement with healthier hobbies that didn’t revolve entirely around sex. I am a better person today because of this. Foolishly however, I continued to use the “Dracokon” name for a few more years thinking I could be an example of someone who turned their life around, but I understand today that was a fool’s errand and everything that name represents to me elicits nothing but painful memories and triggers the worst anxiety attacks I’ve ever felt. It reminds me that I was a victim.
I wish I never wrote my first few stories. I REALLY wish I never involved myself with Herpy. I wish I never accepted encouragement from those who saw no issues with either of those things; I remained with Herpy for longer than I should have because I was too afraid to say otherwise and I know that looks bad on me. During my time with the fandom I received disgusting propositions for “favors”, all of which I turned down and none of which I can stomach to transcribe here. I was sexually assaulted. I was groomed and used. I never spoke a word about this because I was too scared of what might happen in retaliation (and I’m still refusing to name names because of it). The emotional and psychological damage done to me has taken almost a decade to unravel. For several years I’ve been receiving treatment for PTSD. I mean it when I say this: my life was ruined.
Yes, there are awful people in this fandom; unfortunately I’ve met them. But no, I am not one of them. I was a patsy and a useful idiot. I have moved on and reclaimed my life; I maintain no associations with any of the people who hurt me. I am deeply sorry for the things I said and did when I was new to the fandom. I don’t stand by any of it and the regret I feel is indescribable. I mean this with as much weight as I can give to words on a screen. I’m sorry.
Please, respect my privacy and my desire to disengage. Please do not harass or stalk me; I have no gossip to share. I just want to heal and become the best person I can be for me, my family, my future partner, and for God. Please allow me to have the life that I very nearly lost.
Thank you, and God bless.